October 1, 2010

Interview: Vordak the Incomprehensible

This past Tuesday I shared with you my review of How to Grow Up and Rule the World by Vordak the Incomprehensible.  Not only was I lucky enough be able to review his book, but I was also given the honor of interviewing him! After the interview though, you'll see that I am not destined to rule the world any time soon.

Thank you Vordak for taking the time to answer some of my questions.  It was an honor to get to know you better. 

And without wasting anymore time, here's a bit more about Vordak straight from the evil one's mouth!

1. You don't talk much about school in your book. How does one handle school when trying to rule the world?

Well, what one does is use his or her school time as an opportunity to hone their evil world-conquering skills. For example (and here I am giving you the inconceivable gift of an actual bombastic book excerpt!):

VORDAK THE INCOMPREHENSIBLE’S Three Ways to Ruin a Field Trip to the Zoo
1. Sneak onto the bus early and superglue all the windows shut. Then make sure that Arnie “the Armpit” Kradmeister, who showers only on national holidays, sits directly in front of the heater.

2. Beg your teacher to perform her very best baby seal impression. Then use your handheld matter transmitter to immediately teleport her into the polar bear exhibit.

3. Relocate the sign for the petting zoo to a more “interesting” location.

2. You say you've retired. What are you doing in your extra time now? Also - how do you feel about retiring when you never did rule the world?

I’ve taken up gardening.

As far as never ruling the world, I am buoyed by the fact that none of my failures was in any way my own fault. Each and every attempt was foiled by circumstances that were completely beyond my control. Usually it was Commander Virtue who would gum up the works – including the time he destroyed my Earth Core Superheating Beam by literally throwing chewing gum into it.

3. I came up with my own evil name using the method explained in your book. What are your thoughts on it? It is Kamoz The Unrelenting.

My initial thought is that, according to my Inconceivably Evil Evil Name Generator, your first name should have SIX letters! No more, no less. Perhaps you should rename yourself Kamoz the Incapable of Following Directions.

4. You say evil people who want to rule the world should only wear black. I love the color pink. Are you sure there is no way I can rule the world and wear pink?

Name me one individual, human-style person who has ever Ruled the World while wearing…pink. The closest I can come up with is Liberace…and he didn’t really come all that close now, did he?

5. You have a very long cape. Do you ever trip on it when trying to rule the world?

Well, of course I don’t trip over it. Unfortunately, as a world-class Supervillain, I employ a number of, let’s just say “sub-MENSA” level minions and such.

6. And for the final question I ask all my guests: Since you're visiting The O.W.L. today can you tell me whoooooooooooo you admire?

You’re kidding, right?

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